Friday, September 07, 2007

Greetings, America!

To quote The Onion's Jim Anchower, Hola, amigos. What up? I know it's been a long time since I rapped at ya. If you've read any MSM today, (and fortunately for me, I know some Americans read nothing else) you may have heard that I'm going to be releasing a video next week on the anniversary of 9-11. First of all, let me say that I'm the first dead guy to ever release a new video. Pretty amazing stuff, eh? If you don't believe I'm dead, then you have to believe that the allegedly most powerful military force in the world has been unable to find me after 6 years, yet they say I'm still living in a cave! For those of you who think I'm alive, you'll just have to wait for the video. But I will offer a few of my thoughts. First of all, let me say that I have discovered a weapon of mass deception! ABC News is reporting that my beard is now black, unlike in past videos and pictures where my beard was streaked with gray. The answer is simple; my stylist, who does a wonderful job of making sure I have perfectly white pajamas to wear, (not easy when living in a cave!), turned me on to Just For Men. That stuff really works! The chicks are willingly lifting their veils for me and I don't even have to die to be with virgins!

Enough about me. I want to know how you Americans are doing. From what I've been hearing, things don't sound so good since 9-11-01. With the
record rate of home foreclosures and the subprime mortgage debacle, your economy looks to be headed downhill. The war in Iraq must be costing a pretty penny too, with US forces there at an all time high. Too bad your government has to spend all your tax money on bullets instead of insuring your children's health and feeding your homeless. Sounds like the land of the free isn't so free anymore either. I hear my buddy Bush signed the Military Commisions Act of 2006, thereby casting aside your Constitution and the principle of habeas corpus, which protects against unlawful and indefinite imprisonment. The MCA also gives the president absolute power to designate enemy combatants, and to set his own definitions for torture. Bush has perfected the examples set by some Middle East countries. It doesn't matter anymore what the majority of Americans want, Bush and his "elected representatives" press on with their agenda. I may be flattering myself, but maybe he and his Dad learned some things about governing people from me back when I used to get all that CIA money and support.

I don't want to give the whole video away, but let me just say that in the last six years, your Government has done more to opress and restrict you American people than I ever could have dreamed. Those planes flying into the WTC were nothing compared to what has happened to your country since, or what is yet to come. Be sure to see my video. I promised GW I'll be extra, extra scary. He needs all the help he can get.

Osama " The Bogeyman" Bin Laden

No comments: